{"id":492,"date":"2025-10-21T16:10:00","date_gmt":"2025-10-21T14:10:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/walkofpride.amsterdam\/?post_type=hero&p=492"},"modified":"2026-07-01T07:38:01","modified_gmt":"2026-07-01T05:38:01","slug":"said-zankoua","status":"publish","type":"hero","link":"https:\/\/walkofpride.amsterdam\/en\/heroes\/said-zankoua\/","title":{"rendered":"Sa\u00efd Zankoua"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Author: Jan Nieuwenhuis<\/em>
Trigger warning: this text discusses the physical and mental consequences of homophobic violence<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Growing up in two worlds<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Sa\u00efd Zankoua was proud of his hometown, Utrecht. He grew up there in an orthodox Islamic environment, where there was only limited knowledge of Dutch society and considerable mistrust towards it. Traditional male\/female roles and the central role of religion were characteristic of that environment. Homosexuality was never discussed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As a little boy, Sa\u00efd was kind and gentle, and he did his best to be liked by everyone. His cheerful smile and his dark eyes made hearts melt from a young age.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although raised within an orthodox worldview, he came into contact with another part of society through a Dutch neighbor, Beppie Westerhout. Beppie was open to all people and introduced Sa\u00efd to her tolerant way of thinking. Sa\u00efd spent many days playing at her house; she was his only connection to the broader society. As a result, he could effortlessly sing the customary Sinterklaas songs in Dutch with an Utrecht accent, and beloved Dutch children\u2019s author Annie M.G. Schmidt was one of his favorites. This cheerful double life\u2014balanced in a way that children seem to manage effortlessly\u2014came to an abrupt end when Sa\u00efd turned 16.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Virtual freedom<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Gradually, he had discovered that his romantic interests were directed toward men. The confusion he felt caused him to withdraw more and more. His family did not notice, but Beppie, the neighbor, saw the once cheerful boy becoming increasingly somber. Beppie managed to get Sa\u00efd to talk. He did not dare give it a name, but what he described was clear enough for her. She opened her heart and arms to him, comforted him that evening, and promised him her support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Strengthened by this love, Sa\u00efd began a new journey in his life. Through social media, he came into contact with the LGBTQIA+ community and enjoyed the attention he received there. He did not yet dare to set up dates, but through chatting he built a new virtual existence. He had found a safe way to deal with his secret. From his bedroom in Utrecht\u2019s Kanaleneiland neighborhood, the internet gave him access to a world that his family had no idea existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Exclusion, violence, and conversion therapy<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

And then, one afternoon, the structure holding up his two worlds collapsed. Someone had found a profile on a dating site with his photo. That profile had been printed and copied and was posted in various places in the neighborhood where Sa\u00efd lived with his family. Within a single day, his carefully guarded secret became known to everyone he cared about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The consequences were enormous. In the neighborhood, he was continually subjected to insults and his friends refused to associate with him anymore. He was severely beaten several times. His family saw therapy as the only solution and forced him to undergo it. He was put on a train to Paris for this purpose. There, a harsh approach was chosen to literally beat the homosexuality out of him. In his pain and loneliness, Sa\u00efd called home to ask if he could come back home. He told them he was \u201ccured,\u201d which allowed him to return. From then on, Beppie\u2019s house became his only safe refuge. During this period, Sa\u00efd developed epilepsy. He was convinced it was the result of all the stress and violence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI visited Sa\u00efd when he was in a closed psychiatric ward in Amsterdam. I told him: \u2018You are never alone. I will always be there for you.\u2019\u201d \u2014 Nassiri Belaraj, founder of Pink Marrakech.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Resilience, freedom, and vulnerability<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In one way or another, Sa\u00efd managed to draw strength from adversity to keep living in his two worlds. \u201cFor my family, I remain \u2018that gay,\u2019 and for my LGBTQIA+ community, I remain \u2018that Moroccan,\u2019\u201d he summarized. Sa\u00efd became very open about his homosexuality, gave interviews, and participated in photo shoots. In doing so, he became an example for young people with a bicultural background. His high point came during the canal parade during Amsterdam Pride, when he waved to the world from the Gay Care boat\u2014open, free, and proud\u2014deliberately leaving shame and secrecy behind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But that openness also made him vulnerable to negative reactions and discrimination. He soon decided never to avoid confrontation. Whenever insults were shouted at him, he always entered into conversation with the aggressor. Even when everyone advised him not to respond and to let it go, he would still approach them. Whether it concerned racist remarks from within the LGBTQIA+ community or insults from groups of young people from his own cultural background, Sa\u00efd was not deterred and always responded.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Caring, visible, and loved<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In Amsterdam, Sa\u00efd could often be found in bars in the drag scene. He knew the scene well and was aware of all the latest gossip and stories. He admired the strength of drag queens in being themselves in defiance of social conventions. It affected him deeply when people reacted disrespectfully toward that scene. Also in those situations, he never failed to confront other the aggressors.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Professionally, Sa\u00efd found his calling in caring for elderly LGBTQIA+ people. As a caregiver at Gay Care and later in caring for residents of nursing homes, he combined the openness and tolerance he had learned from Beppie with the deep respect for the elderly that was self-evident in his family. His commitment was not only professional; he felt a strong personal responsibility towards his patients. He did not shy away from criticizing what he called \u201cDutch efficiency.\u201d Outside his professional work, Sa\u00efd also found time to volunteer. He organized so-called \u201cPink coffee mornings\u201d in various care homes. He would walk around, speaking to all visitors with a genuine interest that everyone could feel. Even those who were most isolated felt they had found a friend in Sa\u00efd.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

May 17, 2020<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

While Sa\u00efd played an important role as a role model and in his support for so many elderly people, his health steadily declined. The epilepsy that had troubled him since the violence surrounding his coming out became increasingly difficult to control with medication. The advice to take things more slowly was consistently ignored. He could not abandon \u201chis old folks,\u201d as he affectionately called them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After several severe seizures in public, he began to feel insecure. A change in medication had not helped. But he felt relieved when he received new medication in May. \u201cNow I finally have the right four types of medication,\u201d he reported on Friday. The next Sunday, on May 17, 2020, he died.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the weeks that followed, there was extensive media attention for his death and his story. He would have been proud of that. But his friends still miss his smile and the loving expression in his dark eyes.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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